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Thursday, May 13, 2021

Relationships in College: Breaking up

You know that feeling when your stomach drops, your heart rate quickens and the world is spinning? And when you get a really bad grade on an exam or when you get in a fight with a friend or when your significant other ends your relationship? They all have something in common, they really suck.

Sometimes, you may feel relief when your relationship ends, other times it comes as a complete surprise. Either way, here are some tips to help you survive a breakup.

Immediate post-breakup kit:

  • One pint of ice cream from the grocery store (I prefer Ben & Jerry’s) or other baked good
  • One amazing friend who will let you vent and cry
  • One really cozy blanket, preferably directly from the dryer
  • A good stack of movies, preferably not romantic comedies
  • One Breakup Playlist, Try this:

  • Bonus: If you’re 21 or older, a bottle of wine (or box, I don’t judge) or a six pack of beer. Try not to go for the hard alcohol because calling your ex while crying and drunk never turns out good.  

The days following a breakup are the worst. Senior, Caitlin Hepworth kept herself from going on Facebook or looking at her ex’s profile. “I didn’t unfriend him but I did “unfollow” him so I could get some space,” she said.  

Technology is a cruel mistress, on one hand you can still “see” your ex, he/she checked into the Horseshoe Cafe at 2 a.m.

That’s when paranoid thoughts run through your head, “What was he/she doing? Was he downtown? That was quick.”  They become available on your sidebar chat screen and if you message them, you wait for the “Read at –:–” sign. On Snapchat you can see if they saw your story and you can also see their stories.  

I received mixed messages from friends about if exes can be friends.  “I am but it’s because we are always honest with each other and have boundaries, but we were also friends for a long time before we were a thing,” Hepworth said.  

Senior, Alaina Emde, whose ex had cheated on her multiple times, felt this need to “hold her tongue” around her ex and their mutual friends. “I am realizing how that was truly self sabotage on my part, and I think I should have called him out on his BS and I should have told everyone I could about how deceitful he was,” said Emde.   

One ex-couple talks about how they were able to stay friends.  

Alumni, Erik Wallace and senior, Alecia Koenig have known each other since fifth grade.  They started dating three years ago and the relationship lasted about six-to-eight months.  Both Koenig and Wallace described the breakup as mutual, which made things easier.  

“Eventually I fell for someone else, so it felt like a good time to reach out and try and be friends again. That was about four months or so after we broke up,” Wallace said.  

The two have advice for those who want to be friends after a breakup.  “My advice is to give yourself 48 hours to be upset, and try to be productive after that,” Koenig said. Wallace emphasized the theme of time as well.  “It’s for both of you to grow and be your own people again before you start trying to be friends,” he said.  

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